


Capture My Fragile Heart, Keep It Safe

by alittlebriton



Series: Shadowhunters Codas [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Magnus Bane, Coda, Crying, Episode: s02e10 By the Light of Dawn, First Time, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, Schmoop, Teaching, Top Alec Lightwood, Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:06:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebriton/pseuds/alittlebriton
Summary: "We're not showering together in the Institute. But if you want to shower and then portal us home, the quicker you wash, the quicker we'll be alone."Magnus made a noise and forced himself up into a sitting position."Fine, fine. Be logical." He squinted up at Alec who looked like he was trying not to laugh. "What?""Your hair is rivalling mine right now."Magnus groaned and pulled the bedspread over him. He could hear Alec snickering."And now you're missing me naked."Alec and Magnus clean up at the Institute after the events of By the Light of Dawn, Alec has another brief chat with Jace and then Magnus and Alec head home. There's banter and flirting and conversations, including about what happened with Raphael, and another first for Alec.





	Capture My Fragile Heart, Keep It Safe

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not hugely sure about this one. It's my first Coda from Magnus' POV. I think if I get enough people asking for it, I might write an Alec POV version of this, because there is slight emotional whiplash in this. There's good reasons, at least in my head, but without Alec's perspective you might feel it comes out of nowhere, but hey, there's a reason we call it a release, yeah? I feel like there's a lot boiling up and it gets let out.
> 
> So yeah, please god tell me if a) this makes psychological sense and b) if you'd like an Alec POV one-shot.
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr at http://alittlebriton.tumblr.com/. Thanks to both @oddieodelia and @kangeiko for beta-ing and dealing with my whinging that smut is hard to write.

There was a bead of sweat threatening to start a trail from Magnus' temple. He was only aware of it because he could feel Alec's eyes flick to it every time he looked up from the medical reports. And each time he did, Magnus would shiver, hyper aware of his gaze and how much he wanted to be away from the Institute. And yet. The stone walls still surrounded him.

He blinked and re-concentrated on forming the sigils he needed, keeping up the intonation. But he could only concentrate on so many things at once and Alec took up all the ones that weren't his magic, which might have been why he startled so badly when a voice behind him spoke.

"Your wards failed last time. Why should we trust them now?" 

Magnus gritted his teeth at the tone, refusing to turn to Aldertree and pushed his anger back into his magic, intricate designs weaved into the air in reds and oranges. 

"That's what happens when you allow homicidal zealots to kidnap Downworlders." Ok, so maybe not all his anger went into his magic. He sighed. It wasn't Aldertree's fault, he had to remind himself.  

"She had my spell book, so could take down those wards by reversing them."

"Like I said, won't that just happen again?"   Goddamn, Aldertree's voice grated on him. 

"No," he said shortly, and sent a burst of power into the ceiling. "Because I'm in the process of inventing new wards that haven't been recorded yet."

"Aldertree. The Clave wants a report on Valentine's Downworlder attacks in the city, the distractions he was running." Alec's voice was a like a balm, soothing ruffled feathers.  

"If you're finished interrupting the High Warlock from the creation of new wards?" Ok, maybe that wasn’t quite as soothing – more like ever so slightly salty. He couldn’t blame Alexander. And he did love it when Alexander got all authoritative, at people other than himself of course.  

He risked a look at Aldertree's face and hid a smirk. 

"Of course. Oh, and the little Warlock child..."

"Madzie," Alec and Magnus corrected in unison. 

"She will have to be questioned. I know." Aldertree held up his hand as if to ward off their inevitable protests. "I know she's a child and she was manipulated. The Clave don't know that, or at least, they need more proof."

He exchanged a look with Alec, ignoring the fact that Aldertree was watching the both of them. 

"She'll be in my presence the whole time," Magnus said after a moment's thought and Alec's slight inclination of his head in favour of the plan. "She might have her story to tell, but I'll be damned if I'm letting her face the Clave alone."  

Aldertree's face clearly said that Magnus would be damned anyway, but he nodded in acquiescence. 

"And it will happen at least two days from now," Alec added. "She's a little girl and she was scared."

"We have our hands full anyway," Aldertree said to him with a purposefully blank look. "I can't imagine that the Clave would prioritise her until late this week." 

Magnus was surprised when Alec actually smiled at Aldertree. "Good," was all he said though, and then Alec turned away with one last flicker of his eyes to Magnus. Abandoned once again to his effort, Magnus sighed and went back to work, need pulsing under his skin like an itch he couldn’t reach.  

It was early afternoon by the time he was finished. Alec had tugged on his sleeve for a while before Magnus had realized he was even there, actually swaying with the effort of remaining on his feet.  

"Oh, hello." Magnus smiled at him. "Is it time to go?"

Alec smiled back with his lopsided smile, the one that was equally fond and tired. "Magnus, I don't think you could make a portal if you tried. C'mon, you need to rest. We all do."  

He ignored Magnus' pout and dragged him up the stairs and down one of the identical corridors. Magnus blinked. He knew this. This was Alexander’s room. 

"Oh, god, bed," he all but moaned and threw himself face first onto Alec's bed. And then made a disgruntled noise and swished his fingers. 

"Better."  

"Did you just change my mattress?" Alec's voice sounded amused and Magnus didn't have to open his eyes to know he was smiling.

"No. I changed your sack of rocks."

Alec snorted and Magnus felt the bed dip next to him with the now familiar weight of him. 

"Go to sleep, you drama queen."

Magnus was too tired to reply but he did drag Alec closer so he could bury his face in the warmth of his chest, wrapping his limbs around Alec and feeling his steady heartbeat under his own, thrumming enough to reassure as he slipped into the sleep he so desperately needed. 

When he awoke, it was to quiet voices and lonely sheets, his heart lurching for a second before his brain caught up and recognized Alec’s voice. He relaxed against the sheets again while he shamelessly eavesdropped.

"You're going to have to tell her sometime." 

"She's so happy. I don't..." 

He heard both Alec and Jace sigh at the same time and then silence.

"I get it. I mean, I get why you kept running after her all the time. Now. I get it. You love her, Jace."

Magnus silently rolled to look at them then, and saw Jace clutching at Alec like he was drowning, his face ashen and tear stained.

"I didn't mean to. Activate the sword. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, I do. And don't think we're not going to talk about that self sacrificing bullshit at some point." 

At the sound of Alec's voice, rough and heavy with emotion, Jace squeezed him harder.  

"Runs in the family. Love you, brother."

"You too. Now get off me. I need to get dressed and you hugging me while I'm half naked is not the sight I want Magnus to wake up to." 

Jace huffed a laugh. "Too late." His eyes caught Magnus' and Alec turned around.

"I'm still mostly asleep. This could be the start of a weird yet wonderful dream for all I know," Magnus slurred, tongue still waking up.

"I don't want to know," Jace made a face, clapping Alec on one shoulder and turning to go. "I'll check on Izzy. Come say goodbye before you leave."

Alec finally turned all his attention to Magnus. "How are you feeling?" 

"Like I need a shower. But you already had one, and now that means my shower will be boring and lonely." 

Alec shook his head, making drops of water flick from his hair to his shoulders and run down his skin, trailing over runes and through chest hair until it reached the towel secured around his waist. Magnus couldn't help the way his eyes slid down to follow. It felt wrong to be so envious of water. 

"We're not showering together in the Institute. But if you want to shower and then portal us home, the quicker you wash, the quicker we'll be alone."

Magnus made a noise and forced himself up into a sitting position. 

"Fine, fine. Be logical." He squinted up at Alec who looked like he was trying not to laugh. "What?"

"Your hair is rivalling mine right now."

Magnus groaned and pulled the bedspread over him. He could hear Alec snickering. 

"And now you're missing me naked." 

He whipped the sheet from his face immediately, perking up, but then frowned. 

"Liar." 

Alec shrugged, unrepentant, leaning over to kiss him.  

"And yet you love me." 

"That I do." Magnus flared his fingers over Alec's cheek and leaned up to kiss him again, marveling at how secure Alec must feel to say that so casually. "I really do," he whispered, and watched as Alec's eyes dilated, a flush staining his cheekbones. Now they were getting somewhere. He moved closer, ghosting his mouth over Alec's, practically hearing his heartbeat speed up, letting the tip of his tongue wet his bottom lip. 

But then Alec pulled back.  

"I have to check on Izzy. And then. Can we please go home?"

Magnus made a strangled noise, fist clenching with frustration. "We could just stay here. In your bed." 

Alec’s fingers tightened around Magnus’ wrist, and he fixed him with a look that made heat pour into Magnus' belly, startling his breath from his lungs. 

"No. I’m not rushing anything. I don't want you to be quiet and quick the way we'd have to be here. I want  _you_ , Magnus. I want it to be... us." 

He lifted one shoulder in a shrug and glanced away, his confidence apparently running out with his words, and proceeded to pull on clothes quickly and efficiently.  

"…oh,” was all Magnus managed, blinking his wide eyes. Alec’s words had made him harder than the kiss had, but his desire had retreated to a buzz just under his skin, satisfied to wait. “Ok then.”  

He got up and went to shower in a slight daze.

By the time he’d finished and made himself presentable – he might have chosen to summon clothes that were easy to undo but he wasn’t going to let anyone else in the Institute see him without eyeliner and perfect hair – Alec was long gone. He trailed around the Institute’s corridors, idly looking for him, making his way down to the communal areas. 

He paused in one of the halls and sucked in a deep breath. Someone had started placing white sheets over bodies – all the bodies, so many bodies – and he was unable to tell if they were Shadowhunters or Downworlders. He crouched by one of fallen and laid his hand on them, eyes closing. No prayers, because he knew they meant nothing. Just a small, unspoken wish that they would find peace in the next world. 

Magnus looked around, blinking back unshed tears. So many, so many he couldn’t prevent. If he had come back, he might have died with them. But not coming back… he pushed away the ache that throbbed again in his chest, the fear for Alec, that he would be fighting alone, that he might have died alone. Next time, he would return to keep him safe, no matter the cost.

“Magnus,” Alec’s deep voice said from behind him and he straightened up, pausing to clear his eyes before he turned. 

“Darling.” 

“Did you… is there anything that you need to do? Here?” 

Magnus shook his head, stepping closer, his hand automatically reaching for Alec’s elbow, to feel the shape of him, drawing him near.  

“You?” 

“Jace told me to go ….” Alec started, then blushed and shook his head. Magnus could guess what Jace had told him to go and do. 

“I’m done here, for tonight, anyway. Can we?” Alec held his gaze, leaning into him, close, so close Magnus could smell the soap on his skin and the detergent from his t-shirt, the ever-clean scent of Alec that thrilled and comforted him in equal measures. 

“Go home?” Magnus answered, tilting his head invitingly, noticing how Alec sucked in a breath and his eyes fell to his mouth. He was already twisting his hands behind Alec’s back to create the portal and as he tipped up to finally, finally kiss him, he gently pulled the portal over them both so that the Institute, with all the death contained in its walls, became his warm and private bedroom. It was worth it to see Alec blink when they broke for air.

“Oh,” he said, his mouth open, and then he turned his rare, wide smile to Magnus and crowded Magnus back until he felt the wall behind him, and suddenly he was being kissed with a ferocity that made his knees falter. It didn’t help that Alec felt it and his response was to pin Magnus more securely against the wall, using his own body weight to keep him upright and then promptly sucked his tongue into his mouth. Magnus let out a whine and threaded his fingers into Alec’s hair, keeping the kiss deep and dirty, feeling the graze of Alec’s stubble on his cheek. Alec didn’t pull away when he shrugged off his jacket, nor when he fumbled for Magnus’ belt buckle, but Magnus pushed him back, panting for air, when he tried to pull off his top. 

“Too slow,” Magnus said and snapped his fingers, leaving both of them naked. Another wave of his hands and his rings vanished, causing Alec to raise his eyebrows.  

“Oh, I have plans for tonight,” Magnus told him, not missing how Alec’s eyes darkened and how he swallowed when Magnus curved his hand around Alec’s cock, pressing against him to feel the heat of his body and the now-familiar soft scrape of his body hair. “I want to feel you inside of me.” He felt Alec’s heart beat speed up against his own chest.

“Sex leap?” was all he drily asked though, with a stronger voice than Magnus would have suspected.

“Best kind,” Magnus breathed and pushed him back onto the bed, straddling him and bending down to kiss him again and again, feeling the heavy weight of Alec’s palms descend and slide down his back, following the curve of his spine and clutching at his ass, fingers digging into skin to hold Magnus down so Alec could grind  _up_ , making the both of them groan.

"Fuck, yes," Magnus hissed and bit Alec's ear, loving how his hips stuttered underneath him. And then he froze as Alec slid his fingers between his ass, stroking a line from his tailbone to press behind his balls. 

"Alexander," he hushed, looking down at him with a sly smile. Alec was blushing but grinning as well. 

"I take it you're fine with this plan."

Alec nodded. "Will you show me?"

Magnus nodded as well, and swirled his fingers at the wall. Dot would thank him.

"What was that?"

"Soundproofing the room. I'm going to ride you until I scream."

Magnus had the satisfaction of watching Alec's eyes go unfocused, his jaw working soundlessly, his fingers curled into Magnus' skin so tight he knew he'd have marks the next day, a bruised memento. 

"I. Oh, Raziel." Alec drew in a shuddering breath and pulled Magnus back to him to kiss him, sloppy and wet and desperate, wrapping him up in his limbs. Magnus allowed himself a few minutes just to bask in the joy of being so utterly _wanted_ , wanted for him and not for any ulterior motive, wanted so honestly and openly it kept catching him unawares and making him ache. Alec may have been conditioned to hide his feelings for most of his young life, but in bed, his stoic Shadowhunter refused to hide anything. Oh, he could be shy, yes, and feel shame - but there was no artifice to him, not when laid out on soft sheets, vocal and transparent in his pleasure.  

Magnus loved him fiercely for that bravery.  

Alec whined and slipped his hand up to rake his nails over Magnus’ back and he arched in response, trails of heat flaring that chased the paths his fingers made.

“Alec, fuck,” he shook his head as if to try to clear it. “I’m going to skip a lot of the foreplay, if you don’t mind, angel. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but a man can only wait for so long.”

He leaned back and snapped his fingers and flipped open the cap of the bottle that appeared in his hand, coating his fingers in lube before reaching behind him to push two fingers slowly inside of himself, biting his lip. Alec’s eyes widened and his gaze dropped down to where he was stretching himself, wriggling down to get a better view and when Magnus realised this, his cock jerked a wet kiss against his belly without him touching it. Alec watched his fingers move with a greedy expression for a long minute and then his eyes fluttered closed and he let out a strangled moan, heaving himself up on one hand.

“No, give me that, ‘cause if you keep doing that I’m going to come. It’s unfair.”

Magnus burst out laughing and then winced as it made him clamp down on his hand.

“Are you sure?”

Alec nodded, swallowing, his eyes flicking down again and his cheeks turning redder.

“Although. Um. Yeah, I definitely want to watch you do that sometime.”

Magnus raised one eyebrow, his voice lowering to a purr. “Alexander. I never thought you’d be the voyeuristic type. Do you want me to put on a show for you one night? All stretched out on my bed, moving back onto my fingers and wishing it was you. Hmmm. Maybe make you sit on your hands so you’re not tempted to touch.”

Alec clenched his teeth together and made a small noise, his body actually shaking. God, Magnus loved how responsive he was. 

“Oh, you like that idea. Some other time, though.” Magnus grinned and withdrew his hand, and put it palm up. “Hand please.”

Alec opened his eyes, hazel almost completely gone and completely unfocused, doing as he was told slowly so Magnus could squeeze lube – generously – onto his hand.

“One finger first,” Magnus gently reminded him, shaking Alec out of his daze. 

Alec lowered his hand and tentatively circled Magnus’ asshole with his middle finger, rubbing his fingertips over the puckered skin. Magnus saw him hesitate.

“Oh, don’t worry about anything like that. The wonderful cleaning power of magic.” He rotated his wrist airily to demonstrate.

Alec looked confused for a moment, then blushed harder. “By the – no, Magnus, I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

“It’s a finger, darling. Your cock’s going in me in a moment and trust me, that’s a lot bigger.” Magnus eyed it and then licked his lips. “A lot,” he echoed, a bit smugly. 

Alec rolled his eyes, still blushing, but pushed his finger slowly inside Magnus, inhaling sharply as Magnus closed around him, watching, entranced, as Magnus’ body enveloped him. 

“Mmm, yes, angel. That’s it.” Magnus closed his eyes and rocked his hips, encouraging Alec to move his hand.

“Oh. _Oh_. Fuck, Magnus, you feel so hot.” Magnus smiled without opening his eyes, letting Alec get used to fingering him, his movements gentle as if Magnus would break.

“I’m very thankful for your long fingers, darling. Perhaps you could add one more?” His eyes flew open when Alec hesitantly complied, sucking breath between his teeth. That felt far too good already.

“Oh yes, Alexander. Mmmm.” He allowed himself a few moments to get used to the stretch, licking his mouth.

“Try twisting them if you want, but generally stretching is the aim of the game, as it were.” Magnus watched Alec’s face, already frowning in concentration as he worked his fingers inside Magnus, so serious and earnest about it. He bit back a grin and let his mind slide to how determined Alec felt inside of him as he coaxed his fingers wider.

“You can- oh, fuck, yes, do that again.” Magnus broke off and moaned as pleasure sparked through his body, his magic unexpectedly flaring at the tips of his fingers.

“What?” Alec said, startled, nearly withdrawing his hand and Magnus whined involuntarily. “What’d I do?”

Magnus licked his bottom lip and blinked his golden eyes at Alec. “Oh, darling, you managed to find the wonder that is the prostate. Hmm. Curl your fingers towards you, like you’re beckoning… oh, yeah, there, oh, fuck, mngh.” He dropped his head forward and panted, his hips rolling now to try to rub back on Alec’s fingers. And then moaned again as Alec, without being told, added a third finger, pressing harder against his prostate and making Magnus shudder without words, outright fucking himself back on Alec’s hand without shame, chasing that wonderful feeling.

It took him a few moments to realise Alec was shaking underneath him, his thighs taught with tension as he tried to not rut up against Magnus’ ass. He flicked his gaze up and had to bite back another moan. The way Alec was looking at him… mouth slack and eyes dazed like Magnus was the best thing he’d ever seen and Alec was _starving_ for him.

“I know we’re both enjoying you using my fingers but I’d like to have sex for the first time soon,” Alec said hoarsely. Magnus grinned and flicked his hair off his face with a toss of his head. 

“Impatient, angel?”

“Just trying not to come embarrassingly fast.”

Magnus shrugged. “That might happen.” Alec rubbed his fingertips over his prostate again and Magnus’ eyes rolled back. “Hngh, you keep doing that and that might happen to me.”   

Alec grinned at him, wide and uninhibited and it stole Magnus’ breath away. He grabbed the lube again and reached to smooth up Alec’s cock, flushed and wet already, his eyes straying to how his muscles contracted and moved as Magnus touched him.

“So beautiful,” he hummed to himself before raising himself up on his knees. Alec’s hand fell away with a slick sound that dragged a groan out of him as he positioned himself over Alec and took him in a steady hand.

“Watch, darling.” He kept his gaze on Alec’s dark eyes which widened as Magnus worked his body onto Alec’s cock, sucking in a breath when his crown breached him and then letting it out slowly as he took him further inside, letting gravity drive the pace.

Alec’s mouth was slack and open as sensation assaulted him, his limbs shuddering. Magnus could see his jaw working before Alec swallowed and threw his head back with a low guttural moan when Magnus became fully seated, his ass pressed to Alec’s thighs. Magnus stilled, as much to watch him as it was to allow himself to get used to being stretched in this way again, feeling the racing throb of Alec’s pulse everywhere they touched.

“Fuck, Magnus, fuck, you feel. Oh my fucking god. I can’t.” Alec squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists. Magnus patiently waited, telling his body to not yet give into instinct and move, to take what he wanted and ride him, forcing his hands to sooth down Alec’s stomach instead.

“It’s alright, Alexander. Take your time.” He watched Alec’s face relax, little by little, his breathing growing smoother. 

“Oh, god, I’m inside of you,” Alec croaked when he finally opened his eyes.

Magnus beamed. “And you feel _wonderful_. And huge. I’m going to move now, angel.” Alec nodded and ran his hands up Magnus’ thighs.  

He started slowly, just rocking his hips on top of Alec, still adjusting to the size of him, focused on Alec’s reactions more than establishing any kind of rhythm, focused on the newness of him, strong and thick. He let his hands wander, one pressed firmly to Alec’s abs, solid under his palm, the other threading through his chest hair to scratch at his skin, watching how Alec moved under his touch.

“How does it feel, my love? How do I feel?”

Alec shuddered and moaned, his hips rocking up when Magnus rolled his nipple between his fingers, his mouth open as he panted for breath.

“ _Magnus_. Oh, Raziel, Magnus. You. Um. Like nothing else, you feel like nothing I’ve ever. Fuck, you feel so good.”

Magnus smiled, a feral smile that showed too much teeth and began to move faster, tilting his hips up more to feel the drag of Alec’s cock inside of him, the flutter of his pulse as he pushed back in, Alec’s body moving now to meet his own, making Magnus’ skin flush hot. 

“Alexander.” Magnus all but purred as pleasure unfurled up his spine. He ran his fingers over his own nipples and pinched one, his body clenching around Alec’s cock in response, and Magnus grinned when Alec bucked up with a vocal shout, his eyes lighting up. So beautiful.

He leaned down and kissed him messily, more of a brush of tongue than a real kiss, his belly tightening as Alec surged up and wrapped a hand around his neck to hold him there so he could lick back into his mouth with a moan.

“That’s it. Move for me, angel. Let me feel you. Harder, Alec, you’re so good, fuck me, c’mon, take what you need, yes,” Magnus urged, biting Alec’s bottom lip and letting him go, need igniting in his stomach.

Alec growled and then gripped his hips with strong hands and held him in place while he snapped his hips up, making Magnus abandon all hopes of control, one hand keeping him balanced on top of Alec, thighs burning as he ground back down to meet his thrusts, his other hand stroking featherlight over his cock, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

He shifted forward slightly and then whimpered as the movement brought Alec’s cock into contact with his prostate, sliding over the bundle of nerves again and again, his orgasm drawing low and tight in his belly, making him work his fist around his cock faster, his eyes heavy-lidded, struggling to draw enough breath into his lungs.

“Alec, I, angel, I’m,” he was cut off by Alec’s strangled moan as he dragged Magnus abruptly down and buried himself deep inside of him. Magnus felt a rush of heat inside of him and he let out a soft satisfied noise, his own pleasure momentarily forgotten in favour of watching Alexander surrender to his.

“Magnus,” Alec gasped, his eyelashes fluttering as his hips worked through his orgasm. “Please, need you.” He released one hip and wrapped his hand around Magnus’, still curved around his ignored erection. Magnus sucked in a breath and laced their fingers together, beginning to move again in rough jerks, sloppy but better because Alec’s fingers were with his own, his hips canting until he stuttered and spilled with a rising shout in long strokes across Alec’s stomach and chest.

He arched, suspended for a frozen moment in a curve of pleasure and then collapsed less than gracefully, needing to kiss Alexander, not caring he was smearing his own come across his chest, just desperate for his mouth, to feel the thrum of his heartbeat near his own.

“Oh my god,” he murmured against Alec’s lips, dazed, cupping his face and kissing him again before pulling him close.

“Magnus. _Oh_ , Magnus,” Alec whispered into Magnus’ neck, a slight wheeze to his breath. Magnus could feel his heart still pounding like he was running for his life. He kept petting Alec’s hair, trying to even out his breath, wincing with an audible noise when he pulled out slowly, and slid to rest on one side of Alec. He could feel the spill of warmth running between his thighs, but he could leave it a bit longer before making an effort to clean them up.

“Are you, um? Ok? Was it…?” Magnus tilted his head to bring Alexander’s anxious hazel eyes into view and smiled, tracing the worried line between his eyebrows with his forefinger. 

“It was perfect, my dearest Alexander. You?”

Alec nodded, swallowed, and then hid his face in Magnus’ neck, his body shaking. It took a moment for Magnus to realise he was crying. He wrapped his arms around Alec, fearful he’d pushed too far too soon.  

“Darling! Darling, what’s wrong? Was it too much?” He felt Alec shake his head but yet he continued to shudder, clutching at Magnus. He gripped Alec’s shoulders tighter, pressing kisses to his hair.

“You could have died. I was so scared, I was so scared, Magnus.”

Magnus’ face crumpled and he curled around Alec, cleaning his skin and tucking them under the sheet with a flick of his fingers. He rocked him, letting Alec sob for a few minutes until he felt him quieten down and take two deep ragged breaths.

“I know. I know, my love. I was scared too. I don’t ever want to lose you.” His chest ached with the thought, ached with the knowledge he would, one day. He pushed it away to concentrate on Alec, warm and with him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” Alec trailed off as Magnus put a finger over his mouth.

“I told you. I was terrified when I saw you on that ledge and I was terrified when I thought I’d lost you to your parabatai bond and I’m sure I will be terrified on nights you end up on your dangerous missions. Neither of us is invulnerable. Loving someone is to risk losing them, whether you’re immortal or not. But it’s worth it.”

Alec’s brows drew together.

“I know that, Magnus. I wasn’t. That’s not. You’re worth all that fear I felt. Because you make me feel so much, good things, I can’t… you make me feel so happy.”

He was struck dumb in the face of such simple honesty. He wasn’t sure if he’d – well, he must have been loved truly, several times, he knew that, but this… Magnus closed his eyes, feeling more vulnerable than he could remember.

He felt Alec brush away his own tears and then lean in to kiss him, soft presses of his mouth over Magnus’ face, his cheekbones, his nose and forehead, his eyes and the corners of his mouth.

“You’re worth it,” Alec breathed again, close to his ear, and Magnus screwed up his eyes as it caused fresh tears. “You’re worth everything to me.”

He held on tight to his boyfriend, not trusting his voice right then, pressing his face into the crook of Alec’s neck, gaining strength from the warmth of his body. Strength enough to acknowledge he had given his heart to Alexander to hold in his hands. Strength enough to admit he trusted the Shadowhunter with it, otherwise he wouldn’t have offered it so completely.

He wondered if Alec knew the power he held over Magnus.

He wondered if the wild thump in his chest was Alec’s heart, offered in return for his own.

They remained wrapped around each other, soft movements of fingers to soothe sweaty skin, limbs tangled and heavy, sleep tugging at them for what felt like an hour. But Magnus didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to watch the change of colours in Alec’s eyes, watch the flash of his tongue when he yawned, kept behind white teeth, watch the curve of his lips, dark still and swollen, when Alec realised he was being studied.

“You’re staring.” 

“I can’t stop. I feel like if I don’t keep watch, you’ll disappear and this will have been a very vivid hallucination. That only I could dream up someone who loves me completely and doesn’t hide it.”

Alec’s cheeks began to flame. 

“I’m not the first.”

“You are, Alexander. You are the first to love me in this way, like I’m the first to love you. The first to defy your heritage. The first Nephilim to want more than a quick fuck because I’m a Downworlder. The first to love me with no knowledge of the power you hold, of how easily you could destroy me. You are my first so many things.”

Alec sucked his lip between his teeth as Magnus delicately traced his cheekbone. He looked blindsided by Magnus’ admission.

“I. I,” he stuttered, and then looked down, ashamed. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Magnus had to think for a moment. “Oh. Well, darling. I won’t say it didn’t hurt, or that it wasn’t the most pleasant thing to occur. But I think I understand and can forgive you. Try not to make a habit of it. I’m sorry for not mentioning what Izzy was up to sooner. I really didn’t -“ 

Alec cut him off by pressing his fingers to his lips. “No, Magnus. I saw red, and blamed you. And it wasn’t your fault. I’m really sorry.”

Magnus smiled at him. “Like I said, Alexander, you’re forgiven.” 

“Was, um. Was Raphael ok?” If it was possible to fall deeper in love with someone because of a question, Magnus would have managed. Only Alexander would be worried about someone who’d helped to devastate his sister.

“I imagine he’s doing about as well as Isabelle is.” Magnus sighed. “He’s healed, but he’s as much addicted to Nephilim blood as she is to yin fen. The only way out for her is through it, I’m afraid, otherwise I’d offer to help.”

Alec nodded in understanding and curled closer, resting his head on Magnus’ shoulder. “I’d never hurt you on purpose. I don’t. I would never _destroy_ you, Magnus.”

Magnus ran his fingers through Alec’s hair in long soothing strokes, making it even messier. “I know, my love. And yet.” 

Alec was silent for a couple of minutes – so silent Magnus assumed he’d fallen asleep.

“You have that power too, you know,” he said, surprising Magnus when he tilted his head up to look at him. “I can’t.” He took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself.

“When I think about how my life was before you, I don’t know if I could call it living. I met you and everything brightened. You gave me hope, Magnus. I can’t. I.” Alec began to flail a little and Magnus couldn’t hold back any longer. He swooped down to kiss him, cradling his jaw in his hands, his mouth firm against Alec’s lips, pressing into that lush fullness, coaxing his mouth open so he could lick into Alec’s warmth, his taste sliding over his tongue in a familiar caress.

Alec clutched at him, pulling him closer, his fingers tightening on Magnus’ bicep, tilting further to allow him to deepen the kiss, small whimpering noises coming from his throat when Magnus flicked his tongue against his. When they broke for air, Alec was already panting, beginning to stir against Magnus’ thigh. Magnus curled his hand around Alec's cock, moving with him when Alec shifted away.  

"I want to feel you in me again." 

Alec's breath stuttered out with a moan. 

"Our hearts beating as one." He trailed his fingers over Alec's chest and pushed just enough magic so that their heartbeats aligned, his heart speeding up to match Alec's. 

"Magnus..."

“Not knowing where my body ends and yours begins.” He nudged Alec to roll on top of him, feeling his arms bracket his head to create their own private world. 

"I love you," he whispered against his cheek, nosing his skin. 

"I love you too," Alec said with a surety that made them both smile, delighted in each other and the delicate cocoon they had made. 

He could feel Alec's cock hardening against his palm, twitching when Magnus trailed his hand over his chest to catch his nipple with a fingernail. He pressed his thumb softly against his slit and Alec bucked into his hand with a low surprised noise that made Magnus smile wider.  

"Love you," Alec said again, sounding almost dazed, his face eyes dark and full of wonder as he dipped his head to gently suck Magnus' bottom lip between his sharp teeth, biting down gently. 

Magnus let out a whimper - how could he not? and pulled Alec closer in between his legs, tilting enough to guide his cock back inside him, a flare of magic enough to slick him up with lube, but he was still lax enough from earlier to not need much prep. He hooked his legs loosely round Alec’s hips, running his tongue over his mouth where he’d had bitten him. He wasn’t hard yet, but he needed to feel Alexander joined to him again, needed that shared intimacy after the events of the day.

Alec's wide palm smoothed over his side and down his thigh, hitching his leg up by pulling just under his knee, and Magnus exhaled shakily, the new angle allowing Alec to slide in deeper. Like this, Alec loomed over him, curving his back to keep kissing him as he slid stickily inside him, the remnants of lube and his come creating a delicious drag with every roll of his hips that made Magnus shudder.  

"God you feel good." 

"Yeah?" Alec grinned down at him and then pulled back to thrust shallowly, teasing Magnus so he could just feel the head of his cock tug at his rim, making Magnus clench to get more of him. 

"I've created a monster," Magnus groaned and Alec relented, pushing inside with one smooth stroke that had them both panting for breath. 

His own cock thickened when Alec set a gentle rocking rhythm that allowed him to keep kissing Magnus, the slide of his tongue past Magnus’ lips, the press of his mouth over his jaw, his arms curled to hold Magnus close, so close that he could feel the slightly rough rub of Alec’s chest hair and the damp of his skin sticking to his own with every undulation of his body as they moved together. He didn’t stop kissing Magnus, moving from his mouth to his jaw and his cheek, tugging his earlobe between his teeth and back to his lips again, his fingers splayed wide to tilt his face back so he could kiss him, deep and languid like he’d been doing it for years instead of a few weeks.

"Don't hold back," Magnus gasped when Alec finally relinquished his mouth, his nails raking the muscles of Alec's shoulders. "Love me properly."

Alec let out a ragged sound and changed his movements, driving into Magnus with deep rolling strokes that made Magnus' vision blur, his attention condensed to that satisfying stretch of his body. He'd feel it the next day, but god this was worth it, to feel Alexander's sweat falling from his brow and the warm exhalations of his breath against his own cheek, the smooth ripple of his muscles as he worked himself solidly into Magnus' body.

"More, angel, come on, want to feel you," he pleaded, his hands digging into Alec’s ass, gripping it to pull him closer and then shuddered when Alec reared back suddenly, his dark eyes flashing as he smoothed his hand up Magnus' torso and then grabbed him, shifting them so he could pull Magnus back onto his cock with every snap of his hips.

Magnus whimpered at the change of pace, the sound lost among Alec's harsh panting and the hard slap of skin on skin. He arched and then tried to settle again, sensations beginning to overwhelm him, his cock hard and slapping wetly on his belly. He risked a look at Alec. His head was bowed, hair falling over his face and sticking to his temples, teeth gritted, his eyes glassy and unseeing as he fucked into Magnus with increasingly ragged thrusts, his movements primal and desperate. He was the most beautiful thing Magnus had ever seen. 

He put his hand up and pressed his palm to Alec’s cheek. “Alexander, come for me, come on, look at me, come for me, darling.” 

Alec’s wild gaze flicked to his own and then Alec inhaled and cried out wordlessly, his chest heaving, sweat trailing damp paths through his hair and down his abs, his hips stilling with a final abrupt thrust. Magnus could feel his cock thicken and throb inside of him as he came.

“So good, Alec, so _good_ ,” he crooned when Alec dropped his forehead on Magnus’ shoulder, not really paying attention to what he was saying as he pushed his fingers through the wet strands at the nape of Alec’s neck. “So perfect for me, baby, you feel so good, love you so much.”

Alec shivered and fisted the pillow by Magnus’ head, pushing himself inside Magnus again reflexively with a weak rock of his hips. He raised his head, blinking to clear his eyes. 

“You didn’t…” Alec licked his mouth, still trying to get his breathing under control.

“I’m not as young as you are, sweetheart, it takes me a little longer.” Magnus quirked one eyebrow. “You want to watch?” He reached between them and swept his thumb over the head of his erection. 

Alec shook his head. “I wanna sleep,” he huffed, the beginning of a smile on his face, and slid from Magnus’ body before he could stop him, ignoring Magnus’ whine as he instinctively tried to clench around nothing. “But I want to make you come more.”

Alec shuffled down the bed, sheets dragging under damp skin until he settled between Magnus’ thighs and sucked him into his mouth without preamble. Magnus let out a satisfied hum and then arched up as he felt Alec push two fingers back inside of him with a wet sound, cock jerking at the sensation. 

“Oh, fuck, angel. Are you? My god. Yes, yeah, there, Alexander.” Already reduced to babbling as Alec pressed against his prostate, knuckles catching the swollen rim of his hole and leaving him aching, his mind reeling that Alec, his beautiful Alexander was pushing his own come back into his body and using it as lube to finger him. His fingers gripped Alec’s hair tightly and he closed his eyes, grinding back onto Alec’s fingers then fucking up into his mouth, his warm, wide mouth that was pulling Magnus closer into white-hot bliss, incoherent noises falling from his own lips until all he could do was chant increasingly slurred versions of Alec’s name. He closed his eyes and felt Alec hum around his cock and everything coalesced into a single point of pleasure and then shattered, lights dancing behind his eyelids.

When he opened them, they were still there and he frowned before realising he was the one causing them, and he swiped them away with an irritated curl of his fingers, then risked a look down. Alec had propped his chin on Magnus’ stomach and he looked far too attractive for someone who was smugly licking his lips.

“Hi,” he said, and then wrinkled his nose. “We’re both really gross right now and I need water.” 

Magnus rolled his eyes, waiting for his chest to stop feeling so tight, wondering if he’d ever not feel this overwhelming wave of love and happiness.

“So demanding. Give an old man a moment to breathe.” But he snapped two bottles of water for them anyway and handed one to Alec as he flopped down next to him on the pillows. Alec downed half the bottle before Magnus had unscrewed his and then waited with an impatient look while Magnus drank. 

“Finally,” he muttered and kissed him until they were both smiling too much to continue. “I think maybe the next time I should cheat and use my stamina rune.”

Magnus groaned and pulled a pillow over his head, his body aching, exhausted, his make up probably smeared from here to god knows where and yet so happy he felt he could fly if Alexander asked him to. “Oh my god, you’ve turned into a sex fiend. I knew this would happen.” He threw away the pillow and laughed up at Alec’s smiling face.

“I love you so much, Alexander. So very much. But if you try to have sex with me again in the shower we’re about to have, I might be forced to knock you out with magic.”

Alec snickered. “Yeah, ok.” He threw one arm across Magnus’ chest and lay down, half on him. He closed his eyes, his thumb rubbing small soft strokes on Magnus’ skin. “But in a minute. Sex leaps are exhausting.”

“You’re exhausting,” Magnus shot back, but he allowed himself to be pulled closer, dipping his chin to whisper in Alec’s ear. “You’re worth it though, my Alexander. Every moment.”


End file.
